Begin Again

Begin Again

Posted by Rachel on May 01, 2020 in Faith,

I love the idea of a new beginning; the chance to start over again with a clean slate. It feels refreshing and peaceful.

When I think of the month of May, I think of flowers in bloom while the butterflies roam around beckoning us to leap with faith as we begin again.

God says,

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19 

 

More often than usual, I have been battling with recollections of my past namely the embarrassing moments, the humiliation, the regrets, they all wash over me like pouring rain.

How do I forget?

Right now, I don't have the answer but I trust that the LORD is able to help me. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. 

Psalm 46:1

I am going to embrace this month with love, joy and hope. Moreover, I will welcome this month with forgiveness;  for others and most especially for myself.

As for you, how will you step into the new month?

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Amazed By A Relentless God

Amazed By A Relentless God

Posted by Rachel on March 31, 2019 in College, Faith, Personal,

Along with the piling obligations and requirements of a graduating student, the stress is building up too. I can’t grasp how I turned to this place of desolation and despair.

Upcoming finals, deadlines, and the constant replaying of my first job interview rejection, broke the shell of the sleeping anxiety inside my core. It has been ages since I read my Bible. I am certain I compromised somewhere down the road. I prioritized other things until my mind concluded that reading the Bible wasn’t so important.

For months, emptiness continues to fill my life as I search for fulfillment. I lay in bed so desperate for God. I want to find Him, run to Him and sink into His arms but I can’t make myself do it. My days bear nothing but exhaustion, so I fall asleep without even praying.

To be honest, I am a miserable person standing in this desert longing for living water.  This experience, made me realize what life is without Jesus. Loneliness overtakes your soul and your heart is being crushed to pieces day by day. Hopelessness overtakes. My only hope is God.

The closest I could get to keep my faith going are my two prayer books. These days, whenever I open it each morning, the prayer is perfect for the plight I am facing! I trust God orchestrates moments such as this. You might say it’s a coincidence but I know otherwise. 

Again, a YouTube video popped up about the case I was pondering on. Scriptures may not attract me anymore, so He approaches me in different ways. I want to cry because of His love and faithfulness. I am such a fool for putting anything else above the Lord. He is the One who can satisfy my soul. Others may give temporary relief at the surface, but it is Jesus who can perceive through the depths of me and grant healing.

At present, my spirit asks for conviction and strength to read the Word of God. I trust that the Holy Spirit would ease my soul. God is love. This is so true. He is so merciful enough to make His presence known.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the LORD’s wrath, until he pleads my case and upholds my cause. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness.

Micah 7:8-9

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The Beauty In Showing Up

The Beauty In Showing Up

Posted by Rachel on March 16, 2019 in Faith, Personal,

Colds and a painful throat. 

I splashed water over my suffering as I took a shower. My stomach churned and hurt but distractions came by praying and letting my thoughts tumble until I forget the pain, lost in a daydream.

The commute to church was a challenging moment yet an opportunity to exercise my faith. I got nauseous, but I kept asking God to sustain me until I arrived at my destination. I had a part at the Divine Worship Service, which was Scripture reading. The notion of not coming was tempting, but I knew I could still do my duty if I persist.


When in agony, whether emotional or physical, I pullback because I am unacquainted with endurance. I’d rush to a safe place; I gave up right away.

I saw the value in pressing through the pain. There are times we are required to show up in spite of the discomfort. We need to depend on our Father to take care of our health, believing that we can survive and be tougher than whatever is waging war inside our bodies. 

It sums up to a matter of faith in Jesus. Time and time again, I have proven He never fails. My repeated declarations of “God I trust You,” ever produce fruit of His amazing fidelity. That’s the beauty of showing up: experiencing God’s power and faithfulness. He is greater than everything we encounter.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 2 Peter 1:5-7

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When The World Demands Too Much

When The World Demands Too Much

Posted by Rachel on January 24, 2019 in Faith, Personal,

I woke up to the sound of a knock at my door. My Mom came in to inform me she wasn't feeling well and couldn't prepare breakfast. I nodded and drifted back to sleep. When the time came for me to get ready, I thought about staying at home to take care of my mom but I brushed it away, as guilt seeped through. I can't afford to miss work. I have to finish my on-the-job training as soon as possible. My classmates have already ended theirs and I don’t want to be left behind. 

Being a student trainee has been both a challenge and an adventure although quite possibly an energy drainer too. When I was ready to leave for work, I checked on my mom and noticed that she was suffering. She asked me if I could stay in the morning and work in the afternoon shift instead. I agreed but in the back of my mind, work and expectations were thumping their loud noises of pressure, pulling me away and making me feel guilty for choosing my mom. I stopped on my tracks and realized the amount of importance I have given my work. How did I get here? How did I become so absorbed with the demands of the world that I was willing to choose it over caring for a sick loved one?

It made me think how horrible it can get when we lose track of what's truly important in life. At that moment, if I forget about expectations and looked at things at a bigger picture, it was more important to stay at home, take care of my mom and accompany her if she needs to see the doctor. However, it was hard to believe that the choice I made was okay. Somehow the world kept shouting I wasn't doing the right thing. It kept pulling me to join in the rush and forget about love.

I whispered a prayer,  “Lord, I am going to take care of my mom and I will trust you to take care of the rest.” I trusted God to fight my battles for me. I chose to spend my time on a valuable moment. Eventually, my mom got better and I made her happy. I am not saying work is of no value, but in moments of need when the battle rages between work and love, please consider choosing love. There will always be plenty of work to do in this world, but the people we love won't always be here.

I thank God for giving me this realization. I am not failing life because I chose a single moment to love and care for someone. As Aesop said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

My identity doesn't lie in being a student. I am made up of different parts. A beautiful tapestry that God has woven filled with different responsibilities always coupled with a choice. I belong to a larger community not just subject to a small cubicle.

My heart is at peace. At the end of my life, I know I will look back and I may not even remember the piles of work at the office, they may become insignificant to me but the memories of comfort and happiness I gave to others will always leave a mark on my heart. That’s a life worthwhile one that is spent loving with no regrets.

Scripture References﹕

John 12﹕8

Romans 12﹕2

Proverbs 3﹕5-6

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More Than Conquerors

More Than Conquerors

Posted by Rachel on January 13, 2019 in Faith,

Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great. Matthew 5∶12

What rewards does our Father have in store for us when we come out victorious on the last day? We talk about the end times and Jesus’ second coming yet there are moments when it feels like He isn’t coming back any sooner. And so we go astray, trying to taste what the world can offer since Jesus is “taking too long”. But take heed lest we lose our faith and become like five foolish virgins, unprepared when Jesus comes.

If we read the Bible as a whole, we see that the time frame between the promises of God and its fulfillment have a huge gap. Even the first coming of Jesus the Messiah took a long time. As Peter says in his 2nd book chapter 3 verse 9, The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Therefore, we should not be weary in doing good, for we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6∶9)

Friends, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. (Romans 8)

To encourage you to press on and keep the faith, here are some of the rewards that await us in Heaven:

1. A new name.

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. (Revelation 2∶17)

It would be awesome to have a new name given by God! I wonder what mine is going to be.  

2. Crown of glory.

And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. (1 Peter 5∶4)

Come to think of it, I have never worn a real crown before. I guess my first time will be in Heaven. 

3. Immortal body.

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. (1 Corinthians 15:51-53)

To have an immortal body here on this earth filled with pain isn't very attractive to me. But to think I will have an imperishable body in Heaven fills me with joy because I get to spend eternity with Jesus! 

4. Healing. 

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. (Isaiah 35:5-6)

I have always longed for a straight spine. I wonder how it would feel like when Jesus heals me someday.  

5. A seat with Jesus.

To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. (Revelation 3:21)

I am excited to sit and talk with the saints and with Jesus. 

6. A Home.

They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit. No longer will they build houses and others live in them, or plant and others eat. For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people; my chosen ones will long enjoy the work of their hands. They will not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them. Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, and dust will be the serpent’s food. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain,” says the LORD. (Isaiah 65᠄21-25)

I think a common misconception about our time in Heaven is that we'll spend our time it flying around and singing. But this verse tells us that God will give us a home and a place to work on all the while enjoying peace and joy.

7. See Jesus.

They will see his face and his name will be on their foreheads. (Revelation 22:4)

Even if I don't get to have all the other rewards, just to see Jesus my Savior is more than enough for me. My greatest goal is to see Jesus face to face.

There are some rewards I may have not mentioned here, read your Bible to find out. Behold Jesus is coming and His reward is with Him; to which we pray, "Come Lord Jesus". What do you look forward most in Heaven?

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When God Feels Far Away

When God Feels Far Away

Posted by Rachel on January 10, 2019 in Faith, Personal,

At some point in our lives, we have experienced feeling that God is far away. And as I am writing this, I am in one of those moments. Recently, God opened my eyes to how I’ve been living my life in sin. I’ve been caught up in a bad habit, and He convicted me of my prideful heart. I was devastated to see the state I was in. I humbly asked for forgiveness and sat there broken at His feet. Still, I am grateful for His compassion. “… the Lord disciplines those He loves…” Hebrews 12:6

I would like to share with you 5 tips on what to do when God feels distant.

1. Don’t rely on your emotions.
It’s so easy to let ourselves get caught up in what we feel, but the Bible says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9  We can’t trust our emotions. Our emotions don’t always tell the truth but God’s Word does. Turn to the Bible for truth.

2. Identify WHY.
Identify what’s keeping you far away from God or why God feels far away. Are there any barriers between your relationship? Are there distractions? Have you sinned? Is there a sin you have not confessed and repented for?
Remember that sin separates us from God. (Isaiah 59:2) But there is hope because “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

3. Believe that this is an opportunity for intimacy with God.
Being in this state of “feeling God is far away” is really heartbreaking. I have cried almost every night praying and asking God to make His presence known. And honestly, it is in these moments I become vulnerable and realize that God is the truest desire of my soul and that He is all I need. These lonely times can be an opportunity for us to cling to Him, to run to Him, even when He seems so far away and yet trusting that He is there.

4. Seek Him daily/consistently.
I would like to suggest that you would set a time in which you can have your moment of prayer, Bible reading, and worship. A precious moment to spend some alone time with God. And stick to it. Even if your emotions tell you otherwise. If we give up spending time with God because we can’t feel Him, we might drift farther away. Talk to Him every minute of the day. Talk to Him about anything. Just talk to Him. Maintain that connection.

5. Hold on to His promises.
God has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5) And that He is with us even unto the end of the age. (Matthew 28:20) And keep in mind that nothing can ever separate us from His love. (Romans 8:37-39)

When I was a little girl, I once read a quote that stuck. I can't remember who wrote it but it says something like this. “We are like fish submerged in water. There is never a moment that God is not with us.”

Hang in there, dear friend. Your breakthrough is coming. God will reveal Himself to you. Even in these moments you can’t feel Him, He is there. He is there. Believe it.

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Leaving Perfection Behind

Leaving Perfection Behind

Posted by Rachel on January 08, 2019 in Faith, Personal,

I have always strived for perfection ever since I was a little girl. With my test papers and home works, I wanted them to be perfect. I tried to leave no room for mistakes. Looking back, it's funny how I would get depressed whenever a teacher would scold me, I would play it over and over my head and beat myself up for it. Whenever I said or did the wrong thing, I would go home with a heavy heart and think to myself how could I be such a failure? Sadly, I brought this habit into my adult life. It went from school works to life in general. 

As I overcame my need for perfection in grades, it went on to my need for perfection with my looks and in my relationships with other people (even in my relationship with God!) I wanted perfection in just about EVERYTHING. It is a tremendous struggle for me to accept that I am not perfect and I will never be. 

When I realized this heavy burden, I looked up books and articles to know and understand why I feel this way. One article has helped me to recognize a sin that is hiding in my heart: My desire to be like God (which springs from insecurity). I am insecure in who I am which is why I leave no room for mistakes. I believed that the only way that people would like or love me is if I am perfect. This sucks big time because I beat myself up for past mistakes. I hate conflict; I tend to blame myself whenever something bad happens. 

Sometimes I feel responsible for my friends’ mistakes. I find it hard to say no because I am afraid that people will stop liking me if I don’t conform to their wants and needs. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked the Holy Spirit to whisper Galatians 1:10 over my heart!

Sometimes I would lie awake at night and replay the stupid things I have done in my life and my heart wrenches as my brain becomes disappointed. Writing this down makes me realize my desperate need for Jesus. Friends, I am grateful for a God who sees the suffering of my heart. I am in sorrow for how I have shaped my life and for how I have treated myself. 

These days, I am learning to accept that I am weak but God is my strength. I still believe there is hope for me to embrace my humanity. I believe God will take this thorn of insecurity out of my heart and replace it with His love. But even if He doesn't, He is still good. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I want to open my eyes and see that Christ died for me. His blood is enough to cover the imperfections of my life. I can rest under the shadow of His wings, just being the flawed me because I trust that He is God and I am not. It takes time but I’ll get there.

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