Physical Flaws and Jesus

Posted by Rachel on October 22, 2018 in Beauty,

I am not the most beautiful girl in the world nor do I think I am attractive. I surprisingly get compliments that I usually receive with awkwardness. However, honest compliments once in a while doesn’t hurt anybody right? They give reassurance when you’re feeling worthless and sometimes serve as a reminder that God created you. But what happens when you rely on them to believe the Truth?

I recently got a million break out of pimples on my forehead and it’s all some could point out. As much as I pray about it whenever I hear an insensitive comment, I can’t deny that it’s a cut to the heart. It makes me doubt who I am. It makes me want to hide until these pimples heal. I’ve tried natural remedies and it’s working, but the healing is slow.

Whenever I look in the mirror it’s all I could see and I wonder if people think the same.

Today, I spent lunch with a lovely and charismatic friend alongside our families. As the compliments flowed toward her direction,I sat there stunned that insecurity came to visit me. I got extremely conscious of my pimples throughout the day. I tried my best to overcome it by offering sincere compliments but the whispers in my head became even louder. While admiration was being thrown at her direction, I got comments about my weight, my dry and frizzy hair and of course my pimples which they all offered to fix for me. I spent the day feeling like I was lacking. I fell into the bottomless pit of comparison and it was hard to breathe down there. Whenever someone stared at me, I wanted to cover my face and hide. I prayed about how I was feeling and asked for help. By God’s grace, I was able to get through the lunch date while maintaining my cheerfulness and composure.

On the way home, I felt horrible. Now I feel ugly both on the outside as well as on the inside. Where did uninvited insecurity and jealousy come from? 

Have you ever felt something you know was wrong and didn’t want to feel it but couldn't stop? I wish I can turn down the noise and flashbacks and focus on Jesus instead. I put on some music and searched through my playlist for songs about beauty, true beauty in Christ. They sang over me, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” I repeated this a thousand times to myself. I chose to smile and believe God's truth despite the lump forming in my throat.

I spent the afternoon cozying up with my dogs and as I looked to the sky, I saw a breathtaking shade of blue surrounded by clouds of white, splashed with a pastel red. Staring in awe, I prayed and thanked God for the beautiful nature and the opportunity to be able to witness that gorgeous scenery. Suddenly a line from Jamie Grace’s song, Daughter of the King came to mind, “The maker of skies the maker of seas the maker of every beautiful thing, He made you, He made you too.” That comforted my soul. That made me feel loved.

In the evening, I sang worship songs in my room. When the song My Life is an Offering came on, it put me back into perspective: why am I worrying about such petty things about beauty? If I know the truth, isn’t that enough to make me believe and make me trust in God even if people make me feel otherwise? 

When I gave my life to Christ, I didn’t decide that my goal was to please everyone or to turn heads, so why am I making this a big deal?

I offered my life to Christ. I offer my life to Christ. 

There are far more important things to think about- like being in His service and bringing my thoughts upward rather than on myself. 

As I was reflecting upon endless strings of thoughts, what led me to tears was that, I was thinking, what if I wasn’t physically beautiful? What if I live all my days with frizzy hair and pimples? What if I’m not pleasing to the eye?

Do my friends and family love me because of who I am? Of my soul? Or because of what I can give or what I can offer through my looks? 

It makes me shiver and sorrowful to think that some people may only like me for what is on the outside.

When I got comments about my hair and pimples, I know it was for the best of intentions to help, but what if I don’t change, will they still be there for me? 

What if I like my frizzy hair and flaw-filled face, would they stay? I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that Jesus will stay.

I have peace and joy in my heart thinking about this because I know and I fully and truly believe that God loves me for who I am. That God will NEVER EVER leave me. 

For me, that’s enough. For me, that’s true love. I can just be me- physically flawed me trusting that God still smiles and continues to love me.

I realize that the key to overcoming these is to focus on Jesus rather than on myself. 

Scripture Reference:
Psalm 139
Galatians 1:10

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