Sunday, March 31, 2019

Along with the piling obligations and requirements of a graduating student, the stress is building up too. I can’t grasp how I turned to this place of desolation and despair.

Upcoming finals, deadlines, and the constant replaying of my first job interview rejection, broke the shell of the sleeping anxiety inside my core. It has been ages since I read my Bible. I am certain I compromised somewhere down the road. I prioritized other things until my mind concluded that reading the Bible wasn’t so important.

For months, emptiness continues to fill my life as I search for fulfillment. I lay in bed so desperate for God. I want to find Him, run to Him and sink into His arms but I can’t make myself do it. My days bear nothing but exhaustion, so I fall asleep without even praying.

To be honest, I am a miserable person standing in this desert longing for living water.  This experience, made me realize what life is without Jesus. Loneliness overtakes your soul and your heart is being crushed to pieces day by day. Hopelessness overtakes. My only hope is God.

The closest I could get to keep my faith going are my two prayer books. These days, whenever I open it each morning, the prayer is perfect for the plight I am facing! I trust God orchestrates moments such as this. You might say it’s a coincidence but I know otherwise. 

Again, a YouTube video popped up about the case I was pondering on. Scriptures may not attract me anymore, so He approaches me in different ways. I want to cry because of His love and faithfulness. I am such a fool for putting anything else above the Lord. He is the One who can satisfy my soul. Others may give temporary relief at the surface, but it is Jesus who can perceive through the depths of me and grant healing.

At present, my spirit asks for conviction and strength to read the Word of God. I trust that the Holy Spirit would ease my soul. God is love. This is so true. He is so merciful enough to make His presence known.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the LORD’s wrath, until he pleads my case and upholds my cause. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness.

Micah 7:8-9

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It's in the most bewildering moments that we feel God's love the most. He cares and He always pulls us through.


God is so faithful how He will use many avenues to speak to us! He most definitely rescues us like a good Shepherd!


A faithful Shepherd He is! It amazes me.


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