Thursday, November 15, 2018

I have been struggling with breakouts for a month. I did my research and figured out it was caused by comedonal acne. For weeks, my days have been spent looking in the mirror wishing and praying my pimples would disappear. I have spent hours researching and reading about causes and cures, causes and cures, causes and cures. I tried different types of medication, natural remedies but it's still there. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I just want it to go away. I can't take another moment of looking in the mirror and seeing the pimples. It makes me feel disgusting.  People are mentioning it. They are noticing. And suddenly I feel like my beauty has been stripped away. Every time someone sees me, I get insecure. I think about how they must feel disgusted about these ridiculous pimples. I would see girls with clear skin and wish I'd have that. I would look back at my old pictures and just feel worse. Staying at home forever would be a wonderful option.

For a month I have been suffering.

For a month I have been neglecting God.

Seeking for healing is not necessarily a bad thing. Thinking about it all the time is. It becomes an idol. Suddenly I have no time to read my Bible anymore, but I can spend hours reading about acne. I can only spare a minute for prayer but I can stay up late watching videos of women telling stories about how they cured their acne.

I have felt empty for a month. But I realized something: God shook up the cold spot in my heart where I had placed my security. My looks became my identity. It became my safety. And now that it's not in a good place, I am miserable. I feel like I have no value, just because I can't face the world with clear skin.

This is something very hard to deal with. However, I praise God for letting me experience this. Through this trial, I have become aware of my sin. My idol. I got the chance to shift my security in Christ. I have the choice to trust Him even when it's hard. I have faith to believe that I am beautiful. And I don't mean "beautiful" in that I am the most attractive person in the world. I believe I am beautiful in the way God made me wonderfully and fearfully. He designed every part of my body. He formed me. He made me. The same God who made the breathtaking skies and sunsets, the luscious greens and every gorgeous landscape of the earth, is the same God who made me. I am beautiful. Not in the way the world wants but in the way God made me and how He sees me.

It's still a struggle to believe this but I will keep asking for faith. It's a deep realization to be able to come to honest terms with myself. I think my value in this world is only to look good but that's not the truth. I am not my looks. I am who God says I am.

Scripture Reference:
Psalm 139

~I wrote this months ago. I decided to post it without editing to authentically share what I was going through. After coming to those realizations about placing my security in my looks, I decided to repent and trust God to heal me. Along with taking care more of my health by eating right and taking supplements, my face started to clear up. It's amazing how God works, I did not even give much attention to my pimples anymore. I decided to divert my attention to Him instead. We all have different journeys with regards to acne. Whatever yours is, I think the best recipe is to ask God for healing and to trust in His mighty plan. 

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Thank you for sharing this! It's a timely reminder for me of where my value truly lies after months of doing the same obsessing (on a different subject).


Thanks for sharing this. I can relate this to not only acne, but other areas of life where one can have an idol.


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