Tuesday, August 14, 2018

It's been a month since I started blogging. Today, I share the inspiration behind the name of this blog.

I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. I lived with fear. But it isn’t the type that’s evidently shown but rather the gnawing discomfort of nervousness inside my soul: the pounding of chest, drying of mouth, hands turning cold, mind racing with thoughts that run faster than a bullet; that kind of fear. I carried the weight of fear inside my heart since I was a little girl.

The fear that walks around my heart like a boss and stomps it dusty feet of lies on my chest.

The fear that never makes me forget every single mistake I have ever made in my entire life.

The fear that never lets me do anything new.

The fear that won’t let me sleep, won’t let me rest, won’t give me peace.

The fear that creates an illusion that I am gonna die any minute now.

Before I fell in love with Jesus, my heart was always troubled. Every beat of it whispered, trouble, trouble, trouble, is coming so you better run. And I didn’t know how to run from myself. When the Holy Spirit came to visit my heart, He showed me that fear wasn’t the only one living there, its mother, Insecurity, was the boss of it all. Insecurity was the root of fear, shame, lust and perfectionism. And ironically it disguised itself as my safety. I clinged to it for identity.

I was convicted and I needed to repent. I invited Jesus into my heart and He commanded them to leave. He took insecurity and gave me security and peace. Peace not of this world but the peace that passes understanding, peace that is never ending. Now my heart beats peace, peace, peace, you have peace.

When insecurity has lived in your heart for so long, it becomes familiar, it becomes the norm. The moment God renewed my heart, I felt His peace. But sometimes I can feel insecurity creeping back in, fighting to have a place in my heart. I remind myself that Jesus owns my heart now. He tells me not to be troubled.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.  My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3
He is coming for me.

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Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!


this is such a sweet post. Thank you for sharing from your heart and for allowing others to learn from your struggles.


Amen to this! It's like we know we are transformed, but we still have to stand firm through the process when insecurity creeps back in. Such beautiful words xx


Thanks for taking the time to read it. :)


Praise God that He gives me the courage to do so. Your kind words are very much appreciated, Lis. Thanks for dropping by!


So true! It's a daily struggle, but I'm so grateful that Jesus alreayd won the war. We fight from victory not for victory. Thanks for commenting Krista. May we always stand firm in Christ's love and security.


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